Forgiveness

The Day of My Awakening

I haven’t spoken about that day to anyone as yet, not even my husband. The day when I came out of my darkness. A darkness of emotional and physical turmoil gnawing at me from the inside. I don’t know why but I felt like sharing that sacred moment of my life with everyone today. I still vividly remember that day as if it was just yesterday –

I was at my bottom low, not wanting to do anything in life. I woke up grudgingly, forcing myself to the bathroom for a shower. I don’t know how and when, but at one point I was kneeling down in the bath tub with my hands folded and the shower water running through my head, face and body. I was down on my knees sobbing incoherently and I prayed. Those words which came from me that day are still etched on my mind. I said, “I surrender to you today. I surrender from the tiniest cell in my body. I give it all to you now. Please show me a way. Tell me what path have you chosen for me. Just tell me”.

I was in my most vulnerable state then. Naked in my skin and naked in my soul. Pouring out everything to Him. And in that moment, I felt something in my body. It was as if someone was uplifting me. It was as if someone was embracing me. My sobs became louder and my tears uncontrollable. It was as if I was letting it all out. I was still sitting down in the bathtub with the shower water pouring on me but I was slowly feeling free.

That was my day of awakening!

I did not know what to expect next. But somehow He led me and showed me my path. I stumbled across Hay House World Angel Summit which was free where many lightworkers were talking about angels and how to connect with them. It was then that I came to know about Doreen Virtue and Archangel Michael. I learnt that Archangel Michael is the one who helps you with your life purpose. He also protects you. That day after hearing to Doreen Virtue’s talk, I kneeled again. I called upon Archangel Michael and asked him to help me with my life purpose. The words didn’t matter but my intention did. It was an outcry for help. After that I kept on seeing Michael at the oddest of places, a sign that he was around. I saw Michael while watching television, I came across books whose authors were named Michael. It was as if Michael was everywhere. Archangel Michael Oracle cards was the first deck I bought before even I learnt the art of card reading. I started doing self readings, picking a card every single day and felt the strong connect with Archangel Michael. He seemed to know what I needed the most and gave me some profound messages each day.

And then I found a FB post about University of Wellness and it’s Life Coach certification. I have always been an innate coach. During my career as a Human Resource personnel, I have strived for women empowerment and coached women unknowingly in my own way at my workplace in Qualcomm, Chennai. No wonder I felt drawn to this coaching certification. I spoke with the founder and teacher of the course Kerissa Kuis, but the course fees was way above my league. I gave up on it. But something kept on pushing me and I contacted her again. While I was chatting with her on messenger, one of the words autocorrected to ‘Michael’. I knew then this was a sign and I have to take up this course. I asked Kerissa again if it was possible to pay the fees through installments and she agreed. And there I was, enrolled in a course which I could not afford financially and yet all of it fell in place. I cannot thank the Lord enough for this course, Kerissa and the tribe I earned here!

Soon later came an offer from Hay House on their Angel Intuitive Course where the prices were slashed to half along with easy installment option. I was thirsty to know more about angels and connect with them. And I enrolled for that course too. As this course progressed and I started learning about archangels and angels, my intuition started becoming stronger. I started seeing angel flashes and messages started coming to me. And before I knew Archangel Raziel started to show up in my life. Archangel Raziel helps in understanding the esoteric secrets of life and slowly a lot of things started unfolding before me. His color is the rainbow and he started showing up in the weirdest of places.

The puzzles of life started unfolding. I started getting messages on what I should be working on. The major lesson was ‘forgiveness’. The story of my forgiveness journey needs a separate post. But I will tell you one thing which I learnt from it, “Forgiveness was for me and not for them who wronged me”. I had to forgive my own mother, I had to forgive people who treated my grandparents inhumanly, I had to forgive a friend who is no more and I had to forgive loved ones too. And above all, I had to forgive myself. 

But all along this way, He made sure I met the right people and teachers which made this journey worthwhile. Whenever I think of that day when I was stripped off naked in that shower in spirit and in body, my eyes well up in gratitude. Today when I finally share this story, I don’t have any inhibitions or fear of what will people think about me talking to angels or being so spiritually grounded or that Archangel Michael is always around me. My intention here is not to make you believe in the things I do but to share a story coming from my heart.

The last one year I have experienced what ‘surrender’ feels like, how difficult ‘letting go’ is, the high vibration I feel in my body every time I kneel in gratitude and how human I am when I am at my most vulnerable state. I learnt that when you take one step ahead, the Universe takes 10 steps towards you. I realized, the only way from a rock bottom is ‘up’.

That day in August last year, I really became free! The day of my awakening! And now I am on a path to awaken others!

 

 

 

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Miracle Diaries – What I learnt from Gabrielle Bernstein and her May Cause Miracles Course

When you set on a path of listening to your heart and manifesting your true life purpose, the Universe reciprocates. I hit my low last year and it was when I realized what my true life purpose was  – “It is making people realize their full potential and the light that is inside them”. And when I started working towards it, the Universe put this course in my path – Holistic Life Coaching Course by University of Wellness. I am just nine weeks into this course and I can see my world changing already.

One of the courses included in the curriculum was May Cause Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. It is a 40 day guidebook which offers compelling message that anything is indeed possible with a few simple shifts  in our life. The book guides you with a morning and evening exercise each day for 40 days. And each week is dedicated to one important aspect of our life – body, relationships, finance etc.

These 40 days were raw, true and so vulnerable for me. I unfolded so many inner demons, faced deep seated fears and at the end was amazed at the humongous work I did on myself.

I wanted to share my journey so that at least one of you is inspired out there and says yes to miracles by working on yourself first –

Week One  – Witness Your Fear

Gabby Bernstein
Week one was sitting down and writing all the fears you have in life. I realized when you sit down to journal, deeper fears which you don’t want to acknowledge come up to the surface. The fears which you didn’t want to face, the fears which you locked up down there afraid to let them out. Week one made me realize how my fear governs my thoughts and how I feel when I am under it’s influence. The fear of failure came up for me. A simple affirmation – “I am willing to see love instead of this” brought back the calmness.

Week Two – Self Love

May Cause Miracles
Week two made me realize the importance of self love. I am a perfectionist and I beat up myself for every small imperfection. I realized I have been my own self critic, demeaning my self worth. It also made me realize that I am not taking good care of my body.  I doubted my capabilities and was harsh on myself when I failed at something. “I am willing to let go of my self-doubt. I surrender to self love” became my mantra for an entire week. I added one thing in my routine which was all about self love and it helped tremendously. Sometimes we are too brutal on ourselves and week two taught me to be gentle and let go.

Week Three – The Body

Gabrielle Bernstein
This was a BIGGIE for me and I wrote a separate post on how I let go of my padded bras and finally made peace with my body the way it is! You can read it here –

Why I got rid of my Padded Bras, after Clinging to them for 15 plus years

It took courage and a lot of self love to finally be free of the body image I had made for myself.

Week Four – Romance and Relationships

Forgiveness
Week four was revolutionary for me. Though when it came to romance, I was well sorted and was already doing what Gabby mentioned in the book. It was the ‘other’ relationships which needed healing. It was the judgement I threw on others and the way I compared myself with them. It was forgiving those who have behaved so inhumanly with my grandparents and which I never thought I will be able to do EVER in this life at least. It was about attacking others and passing condescending remarks. It was about not making or feeling myself to be special compared to others and making the foundation of oneness.

I love my Papa to the moon and back. But during this course I realized that I have had a grudge against him for taking some wrong financial decisions while we were growing up. Till date I never realized I had this inside me. This realization was something which turned my world upside down. I let go of this feeling and forgave myself for having this grudge and Papa. I set myself free.

Week Five – Financial Abundance

Lack mentality

Well, my sister and me grew up in financial abundance earlier and then things changed. While growing up I had this limiting belief about money which made me curtail all my wishes. I did not take the art class in school because I thought it will burden my dad financially. I went to the dentist the first time when I started earning. I carried my lack mentality with me till now. I sabotaged all the things meant for self improvement saying that I do not have enough money for this. The moment I realized about my lack mentality, my entire life came in front of my eyes – the courses I didn’t take, the training sessions I said no to and the learning opportunities I denied because I thought I could not ‘afford’ it. I removed my blocks around money the very same moment.

Week Six – Miracle Worker Mindset

Miracle Worker

The last week was maintaining all the learnings and patting your back on the immense work I did during these 40 days! Ya, cheers to me 🙂
It also laid the foundation of continuing with this miracle mindset and let miracles happen!

It was intense and I am so self aware now of my thoughts. Whenever a fear based thought crosses my mind, I say to myself – “Love did not create this”. And see the shift within me.

I am ready to welcome the miracles in my life right now. Would you like to join me too?

A Recap on Forgiveness and My WORD for 2017!

As many of you know I choose a word every year since 2015. The whole idea of choosing a word instead of some 10 new year resolutions is being true to yourself and sticking to this one singular goal. This one word represents who you want to be and how you want to live.

My word for 2016 was ‘Forgiveness’ and here are some lessons I learnt in my journey so far –

  1. Forgiveness is not a cake walk. It is a difficult job. Rage and revenge surge within you and it is difficult to keep those strong feelings aside and forgive someone.
  2. Forgiveness is not for ‘them’ but rather for ‘you’. It does not matter if the other person does not accept your sorry or doesn’t respect your forgiveness. What matters is how light you feel after shedding off those extreme negative feelings from within you.
  3. Saying sorry is as important as forgiving someone. Don’t let your ego play with your mind. Own up your mistake and say sorry.
  4. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you are weak, it actually makes you the bigger person!

I continue with my forgiveness and gratitude journey. And I have been thinking hard about the word for this year. It took some time to choose, but nevertheless I am happy that I chose this word for 2017.

So, my word for 2017 isMindfulness‘!

Why I chose this word? With the advent of the smartphone and the fast paced life, we have stopped being in the present and almost forgotten to enjoy the current moment. We are running after a mirage, wanting something more or thinking that we will be happy in the future. Well, I want to break that chain. I want to be mindful of the present moment, of what I am doing currently and be focused. I don’t want my hands to go involuntarily to my mobile phone while watching the movie or be thinking about my upcoming Toastmasters speech while I am cooking. I want to be mindful of what I am eating and not just have my food half heartedly. I don’t want to worry about the pending action items while I am enjoying my coffee.

In simple words, I want to be mindful of everything I do right from brushing my teeth to researching for my next article.

I want to be here, in the present! I want to be mindful in 2017!

 

#ForgivingFridays – The false entitlement FB gives you!

Just a few days back, I stumbled upon one of my FB friends and realised she had unfriended me. I thought that was the end of the conversation, but not really…..the real mind conversation actually started from that point.

Not being able to imagine the reason for her to do so, my crooked and angry mind went and saw the FB profiles of two of her besties and guess what? They had unfriended me too. I tried to recall if I had hurt them in any manner, but could not find anything in their defense. Mind boggled, angry, feeling victimized first I thought of blocking them for ever and sending them an email informing them about it. I started drafting an email to the first one. Words were sprawling out like the gushing waters of the Niagara falls…..I was almost going to hit the send button, when I realized that my word for this year is Forgiveness and what am I doing by sending such angry outburst?

It was time to reflect back, sit and analyze and as usual try to forgive the other party. So I sat and I pondered. When was the last time I spoke with these 3 women? And the answer shocked me. I couldn’t even recall talking with these women on one on one basis for almost 6 years now. I did speak with one of the girls more recently, but that was also almost  2 years ago!

My nerves started calming down a bit. I started giving the benefit of doubt to these 3 women, that maybe just maybe this was the reason for their ‘unfriending’. It also dawned on me that FB gives you a wrong sense of entitlement in terms of friendship. Are these 3 women really my friends? No, they are mere acquaintances. But the action of they removing me from their ‘friend list’ offended my inflated ego. Seriously, in normal circumstances I should have been least bothered about them! But no, the inflated ego (thanks to FB) was not happy at this at all!

There is a possibility that I might have hurt them sometime and if that is the case, I seek their forgiveness!

The path of forgiveness is difficult. If I had not chosen it, I would have hit the send button for sure. There is nothing to forgive in this case, but that attitude helped me to come to my senses.

As a fun activity, maybe you should go and check who unfriended you and comment below on how you felt about it? It will make all of us realize, the false entitlement FB has seeped into us!

Happy scavenging the un-friends 😉

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