Death is morbid. And you might be wondering why am I talking about it right now. I should be focusing on the living than pondering over this. But when you lose a near one, you tend to visit this ultimate truth of life which no one wants to think about.
We are selfish. Period. As long as death is in someone else’s life, we are fine with it. We move on. The real pain is felt when someone near vanishes from our life FOREVER. We lost Sujoy’s grandmother Thamma last week and that made me traverse through this journey of death.
The one who leaves the place is at peace. But what it does to the friends and family left behind is the worst. We go through the denial phase first, then think about all the times spent together or talk about a particular habit of the person and keep on thinking if we did enough when they were alive. We did the same last week. Spoke about Thamma’s inability to speak hindi, episodes of Sujoy’s vacations spent at their place and a little bit of solace that we could meet her during our India trip this year. The hollowness still remains and eyes still get wet thinking about her.
I know how her kids are feeling today. She was the knot which held the family together. The knot is off now. The worst hit are the near and dear ones. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to recover.
I wonder how others grieve. How someone who loses their baby before even being born copes up with the trauma? How parents losing their young kid handle the pain? How kids handle the departure of their parents?
I am scared. It scares me to no bounds. My parents and me do not skype, we just talk everyday on phone. So I get to see them when they share their pictures on festivals or family get togethers. So is the case with my in laws. Every time I see the pictures – the hairlines are receding, the faces are wrinkled, sometimes the faces look tired, the teeth are falling and the shoulders are drooping. I skip a heartbeat EVERY SINGLE TIME. The fear cuts at me from inside and captivates me for sometime. I know I should not be thinking of all such things but I do. I do and it scares me.
I cannot imagine a life with them not in my life. It may be too early to think about all this but the thought does cross my mind sometimes. All of us know that death is inevitable and yet it takes so much of courage to accept it.
And then, with a lot of effort I try to refocus my thoughts on living in the present. Being happy that they are content in spite of those wrinkles. That they are at a good place in their lives despite the receding hairlines. That they are proud of their kids though their shoulders are drooping. That they laugh enough with falling teeth too. That is what keeps me going too.
I am sure many of us who are so far away from our parents go through this phase sometime or other. I want to know what brings solace to you in such situations? How do you cope up with the fear? How can we sustain living far off from our parents?