It has been a while since my last update on my forgiveness journey. The word which I have chosen for 2016 is Forgiveness and I am struggling with the word already.
As I walk on this path of forgiveness, many questions come in my mind.
Saying sorry to someone has become easier. As I unfold the deep rooted questions and try to search answers, I am learning to understand the meaning of ‘sorry’. What I have understood is ‘sorry’ is seeking forgiveness with keeping your ego aside and vowing to not repeat the same mistake.
Last week, there was a situation where I snapped at someone. Ideally I should have been able to forgive all the wrongdoings the person has done till date and should have smiled, forgiven and said ‘It is ok’. It is easier to forgive someone who does one mistake but what about those who keep on repeating the mistakes and don’t even know that they have hurt you? In this situation, is forgiving those a wise move or it just speaks volumes about my foolishness? Why to let someone hurt you more by forgiving them and keeping them in your life? Isn’t it easier to just cut them off our lives?
How much ever I try, some people just cannot come in my ‘Forgiven List’. My mind keeps on making schemes to take revenge against them! So much for being the saint and trying to keep calm! I try and ponder each time that why do I have such intense and extreme hatred for certain people that forgiving them seems to be a distant dream. I try to tell my brain that let us get rid of all that frustration and hatred and instead try to be amicable, try to be a friend again. I even take 2 steps ahead in this direction, but then again the person does something again to piss me off and I call it quits!
How long can I keep on forgiving and forgetting?