As you all know my word for 2016 is Forgiveness. And as I am practising this virtue in my day to day life, I just thought about sharing my journey so far.
Has it been easy?
– Definitely not!
Am I liking it?
-Sometimes yes, but sometimes I feel like ripping off the contact with a certain person rather than forgiving.
Do I think I will be able to continue with this charade of pretending to forgive?
Come on, it is just 8 days into this new word and I think I am doing better as compared to what I envisioned. Just a few days ago I came across this poster from Sun Gazing and it explains my sentiments so aptly –
I started with my forgiveness spree by getting in touch with everyone whom I had deliberately cut off from my life due to reasons which could not be forgiven. It was the most difficult step to take as it brought back all those memories of betrayal, insult, hatred and animosity. Getting back in touch with them and behaving nothing ever happened was an insurmountable mountain which I am still struggling to conquer. But what has kept me on track is giving the benefit of doubt that those human beings might also have evolved and changed since I knew them last.
Then there are some folks whom I just cannot come to forgive. At least not at this point of time. I am leaving them off my forgiveness radar at least for the time being.
What I have realized is someone admitting their mistake and saying ‘Sorry’ makes forgiving a little easier. Maybe. I have never found it difficult to admit my mistakes and say sorry to the person who was hurt because of my actions. I have done it every time without having any ego issues. But for some, saying ‘sorry’ is also a humongous ask. And it makes my life hell to forgive someone who isn’t even apologetic of their actions.
But as I am inculcating forgiveness in my life, I have started believing that getting rid of that rancid hatred feeling is elevating. I am feeling liberated to some extent by taking these baby steps. Why to hold on to one small incident in life and break up all ties with a person? Why not to give benefit of doubt to someone? Why to hold on a grudge all life long? Why not forgive and move on?
These Whys seem simple on the outset but the way I figure out the answers to those Whys will determine the kind of human being I am. I am staying put on this mission of ‘Forgiveness’.